Cold
by Great Clone
Summary: Songfic Drabble of Jess' thoughts after all that crappy stuff happened between him and Rory. It's Cold by Crossfade. Um, please read and review.


**"Cold"**  
_  
Looking back at me I see  
That I never really got it right  
I never stopped to think of you_

I was wrong. I was never who I wanted to be. I don't know who I wanted to be, though; did I? I mean, I always thought I'd be the bad boy who no one liked. The 'James Dean' wannabe whose main goal in life was to piss everyone off. It worked alright for a while, I guess. I got to be such a burden that I got shipped to Dullsville, USA when I was seventeen. Sent to the uncle I barely knew. Sent to what I'd thought would be the most horrible place that ever existed. It was, sorta…until I met you, that is.

_  
I'm always wrapped up in  
Things I cannot win  
You are the antidote that gets me by  
Something strong  
Like a drug that gets me high_

When I saw you, you were like water in the desert, or a can of soup for a homeless man. You were different. Bright, innocent, hiding behind a façade no one knew you had. They all thought the small town girl they saw was the person inside; the person you really and truly were. Only I saw who the real you was. It wasn't so different than the real me was. We were more alike than either of us realized, I think.

_What I really meant to say  
Is I'm sorry for the way I am  
I never meant to be so cold  
_

God, I'd never felt more awful than when you were hurting because of me. You didn't deserve to be in pain because of a guy like me. I was nothing in your perfect little word. I was a fling to those all around us. I wasn't anyone worth remembering. A rebel, a bad boy phase you were going through. Just like all good girls had, I was yours. Nothing special, nothing not easily forgotten.

_To you I'm sorry about all the lies  
Maybe in a different light__  
You could see me stand on my own again_

_Cause now I can see  
You were the antidote that got me by  
Something strong like a drug that got me high_

I never really apologized. For anything. I felt like you were breaking through the wall I had put up over the years, and it was scaring me. It was scaring me that you had so much power over me, and I wasn't brave enough to deal with it. So, I ran. Just like they all said I would. I ran away, leaving you thinking you did something to cause it. And I never made you think otherwise. It was me, not you. God, that sounds like a cliché breakup line, but it was true. Still is. It was never your fault and I want you to know it was all me. All me, not you.

_I never meant to be so cold  
I never really wanted you to see  
The screwed up side of me that I keep  
Locked inside of me so deep_

You had the key, but you didn't know it. If I was a little less of a coward, and you pushed a little harder, things could have been different. I would have broken. You would have pretended to understand, and then comforted me. We might have talked it through, but in the end it would all turn out the same. I'd leave again, for some stupid reason or another, and you'd move on to guys who deserve you a little more than I did. Note that I didn't say deserve you completely…no guy did. You were too much. Too perfect for any guy. Definitely too good for me, and too great for anyone at all. It was my fault it didn't work, though. I was cold. Harsh, unforgiving, and uncaring. But it wasn't real. I was so hurt inside, that I had to fake the indifference, and now I have what I deserve. Nothing. I have nothing. And its no ones fault but my own.

_It always seems to get to me  
I never really wanted you to go  
So many things you should have known_

_I guess for me there's just no hope  
I never meant to be so cold

* * *

_

**A/N: Sorta depressing, huh? ANother song fic drabble thing I wrote in 15 minutes or less, peoples. Not as cheerful as my other one, is it? Nope. Nuh-uh. Please review and tell me whether I should stop these incessent rablings of mine, also known as song fics. Pu-lease? Oh, I don't own the song- Crossfade soes, and it's a really really good song. Look it up. And ASP owns GG,I think. Oh, well. just read and review, although if your reading this AN, that emans you've probably already read the fic unless you're like Indian or something, cause don't they read backwards? I dunno. Just give me some feedback, please. :)**


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